How to handle being Rejected after being diagnosed.

As we’ve spoken about in the past, there are no easy or right answers to any of the posts I make.  My fingers are still crossed that someday, someone will create a book titled              ” Handbook for the recently diagnosed” but until that day comes, ::cracks knuckles:: I will continue giving my unsolicited advice!

Insert 5 cents here 

Recently,  someone broke it off with me in the hospital, first she didn’t believed me because I didn’t reply to her text messages fast enough; probably because I was in the hospital.  She then proceeded to accuse me of Munchhausen syndrome until I showed her pictures and video chatted with her in the hospital. Finally, she called it off because   “it was too much drama”.  This is also someone who couldn’t miss an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, so the humor is not lost on me.

Now my first instinct was to put on my cape and cowl and demand justice but after a tumultuous nights sleep, I knew I needed to move on.

Remember the important people in your life, the people who have been there for you from through the hard times. Trust me, I know you’re mad, I know it hurts and I know it’s not fair. The best revenge is living the better life.

Imagine living in a world, where you are too afraid to love someone, just because you are afraid someone is going to die. In truth, I feel sorry for her, we’re all going to go at some point, but I don’t think wanting to live should be considered “Drama”

Remember to laugh,  do something new or old; go on a spontaneous adventure. For me, I love baking, seriously it’s a problem. I own so much flour my neighbors probably think I’m the reincarnation of Pablo Escobar. There’s something so cathartic about baking cookies and pies to me; it’s about control for me, the measurements have to be exactly right in order to have a great product.

Cry; ain’t nothing wrong with shedding a tear. As a man I’ve been taught to hold my tears back because it’s not considered “manly”. Whatever, I don’t ascribe to that toxic masculinity bullshit. Let it out man, it’s a part of the process and an important one at that.

Give yourself a reasonable time to talk about it. I would suggest a therapist if you don’t have one. Having said that, I know how expensive that can be. If that’s the case, I would suggest choosing a close friend to talk to about this.

Never rely on a single person to give you a reason to live.  I don’t care how pretty they are, we all look silly putting our pants on one leg at a time. I know it’s easier said than done, but take this time away from your partner to realize what a catch you are. Also,  autonomy is important, while relationships are good, they also can mutate into co-dependency problems; so take advice from the former king of Pride Rock:

“Remember who you Are!” -Mufasa… R.I.P

After looking in a pool of your own glorious reflection for days or months, begin dating again. Love does exist, we just have a bigger hill to go up before we find it. The good thing, though, is that through this process, you will find the real people who will want to be in your life. People will always reveal their true selves to you during hard times; that’s our gift, that’s our curse but just like anything in life, it’s all in how you look at it.

Life is just a state of mind.

 

Cancer Wars:The Phantom Miracle

The question of chemotherapy is one I don’t take lightly, now mix that with radiation and you have a nice little death cocktail. Seriously, I’ve taken more radiation to the face than Bruch Banner, when do I get to turn green?

Now my major problem with Chemotherapy ( besides it being a full reboot of your immune system) is that the permanent damage can be worse than the chemotherapy itself. I have met several people that have lost cognitive functions;  decreased clarity of thought, forgetfulness and unfortunately depression. I met a woman who felt so devoid of creativity that she took her own life. In group she mentioned several times that the one regret she had was going through chemotherapy. 

In addition to Some chemotherapy medications, such as those that belong to the antracycline class of drugs, can cause permanent damage to the muscle cells in the heart. We haven’t even discussed nerve damage or other chemo agents that can cause more damage to the lungs than Vader choking the life out of you.

I would highly suggest looking for alternative medication; Traditional Chinese Medicine which focuses more on herbal medicines and various mind and body practices, such as acupuncture and tai’ chi, to treat or prevent health problems. Now keep in mind there has been no proof that alternative medicine works, but in my honest opinion I believe you should exhaust all options before jumping in bed with chemo.

For me personally, I was using Milk thistle, Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar (This is a god send) and recording everything I ate; I used Oregano, Garlic, Cayenne, Turmeric which are considered to be the four most cancer-fighting spices. I also bought the Cancer fighting kitchen cookbook; the recipes are insane, seriously, if you complete even one dish you should be presented with a gold medal. Having said that, the book is a gem.

There are several web sites dedicated to educating people as well as some that also offer recipes you can use in your day to day life. My favorite would have to be http://www.chrisbeatcancer.com

What ever you choose just make sure it’s something that YOU want.

 

Chemosabe Episodes 2-4

Hey Guys! A lot has been happening here on my end, but I wanted to take the time to share Chemosabe: The Web Series episodes 2-4

A lot of exciting things have been happening here lately for instance we made it on IndieWire! Which is one of the biggest Independent film magazines on the planet! I’ve been reading these guys for at least 10 years. http://blogs.indiewire.com/shadowandact/watch-episode-one-of-new-comedy-webseries-about-surviving-cancer-chemosabe-20151203

So without further ado, I present Chemosabe: The Web Series episode 2-4

 

Next Week we will be releasing our first genre themed episode! It’s crazy fun! See ya Next week!

Chemosabe: The Web Series episode 1

Hey All! A lot has been happening in the wonderful world of cancer! My mother who was diagnosed with cancer is finally doing better, I’m looking into different treatment options.

The last woman I dated decided that a relationship would not be in the cards, because my protein levels were too high. So don’t worry ladies ( All 2 of you who read this thing) I’m still single. Beware though, my cancer is a jealous sob who doesn’t like it when I go out with other gals.

What else… Oh that’s right! My web series is finally done! Right now, we’re slowly working out a couple kinks, but I’m proud to present to you all the very first episode of Chemosabe!

Thank you all for your love and patience! Also if anyone is looking for a great blog to read check out the the Cancer Chronicles http://boldbaldbattle.com it’s a great blog with with deep insights with thought provoking content! Definitely check out ” Dear Former Self” Without further ado

Chemosabe: The Web Series

 

Chemosabe: The web series official trailer

Happy Friday the 13th! Today I present to you the International trailer for Chemosabe: The Webseries So many talented people worked on this project. Chemosabe is a series for anyone who has experienced loss, no matter what that loss may be; the loss of a loved one, the loss of identity, and the loss of imagination. Thank you all for your never-ending love and support. Chemosabe drops Thursday November 19. See you all soon!

A Letter to all the women who have rejected me. Thank you.

To the women who have rejected me; thank you. I didn’t know it yet, but because of you I have become a better person. Without your help I wouldn’t have analyzed what I really wanted in a partner and I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to continually fall in love with myself.

When I was diagnosed with cancer I thought I was going to die alone, that the longest relationship I would ever have would be with my cancer ( Thank God it hasn’t asked for a ring yet, six years and going strong), but there was one person I was forgetting about… me! The longest relationship I will ever have is with myself… (How could I have missed this?) Don’t get me wrong rejection never stops hurting, but thats not a bad thing; it gives you the opportunity to grow as a person, to look within yourself and question what you thought you knew about yourself.

One thing I learned was that the women who genuinely wanted to be in my life made it clear; by giving me time to heal as well as reaching out to me. Another thing; You can’t blame someone for not being attracted to you and they shouldn’t blame you for not wanting to be friends with them afterwards; it’s no ones fault, but it’s a sad reality you both may have to come to terms with.

This one is for you, thanks again to all the women who have rejected me. No matter how small your contribution may have been you all have shaped my life; definitely for the better. I would have never discovered my own strength without you guys. I haven’t found the ” one” yet, but when I accidentally, englishly stumble upon who ever she is I know I will have you guys to thank.

-Keith

I hate that I’m afraid to walk past a cop in this country

I hate that I’m afraid to walk past a cop, I hate that my tax dollars are an accessory to innocent people dying and I hate how it makes me feel about being Black in America. I shouldn’t have to dress and act a certain way to be considered a human being, also I shouldn’t feel responsible for the actions of people that happen to be african american as well.

You don’t have to be a minority to have an opinion or to empathize with what’s going on in the country, just how I imagine I don’t have to be a woman in this country to understand they have it bad as well. The interesting thing here is that while I don’t condone violence the world has a history of acting belligerent to get what it wants. Whether it’s the Salt Riot of 1648 to the Philadelphia riot of 1742 to the Anti-abolitionist riots in 1834 or the Rice Riots of 1918 and so forth and so forth.
While rioting is counterproductive I find it interesting that the results from history tell a different story. I guess you just have to find the right riot that’s your cup of tea.

For my cancerversary next Sunday I’m giving out FREE cookies in Harlem!

Like the title says, For my cancerversary on Sunday I will be giving out free cookies in Harlem!

So this whole thing came about because I was unable to celebrate my cancerversary earlier this year.  I was thinking of a past love who died many years ago because of her own diagnosis and I remember how much she loved my cookies.

I thought, this is the kind of love I want to spread on my cancerversary, as corny as it sounds, how could I make people’s day a little “sweeter”. So if you’re around 135th street at St. Nich. park stop on by! Also in addition if you want to help out, please feel free to email me!

Well I better get back to work on this web series!

How I feel when I tell a potential Significant other I have cancer

 

Despite the outcome……

 

 

Give it your best shot.

When your Significant others parent doesn’t approve of them dating someone with cancer

Last Month, I sadly had to part ways with my girlfriend, because her mother didn’t approve of her daughter dating someone with cancer.  The interesting thing about this break up is that her mother has breast cancer.

Folks, I have dealt with a lot of situations and odd prejudices from cancerphobes, but I was definitely waylaid by this. Granted, her mothers fear is based on her own personal experience and a very stark reality. The question I pose is, where is the line when seeking your parents approval? For instance, the girl I was dating had to constantly lie to her mother about meeting me. Folks, I just turned 30, as Danny Glover once said, “ I’m way too old for this shit” especially to play Romeo and Juliet: The Game.

*If you can, talk it out; work on a plan that will strengthen your friendship. I am a big fan of doing the work to level up.

There’s also the question of how much trying are you supposed to do before calling it? For instance, her mother refused to meet me, we tried several times to make this happen, but she refused every time. Even when her mother accused me of playing the waiting game I stuck with it. (She was planning on Applying to Medschool after she graduated) her mother figured I was waiting “in the wings” for her to be a doctor so I could take advantage of her skills. She really was something else.

*** There’s just no debating crazy, you can try for days, but like a bad horror movie, there’s always a sequel. In all fairness, I suggest meeting the mother face to face or try calling her on the home phone if you can. Unfortunately my ex didn’t want me to do any of those things, but the important thing is that you try.

Letting go is the hardest thing to do. The weird thing is that I can completely understand where the mother is coming from. She personally had to take care of her husband as he slowly succumbed to his disease and she doesn’t want the same for her daughter. Who’s to say that this will or will not happen; I’m pretty sure her being second generation and living at home didn’t help either.All in all, it really doesn’t matter; at the end of the day, we both deserve to be happy. The old me would have been devastated, but I truly believe there’s someone out there who can look past the cancer and see the real me. I spent almost five years allowing myself to be affected by how others view my cancer and me; I shall not make the same mistakes again.

Thanks for reading!!