cancer

How to handle being Rejected after being diagnosed.

As we’ve spoken about in the past, there are no easy or right answers to any of the posts I make.  My fingers are still crossed that someday, someone will create a book titled              ” Handbook for the recently diagnosed” but until that day comes, ::cracks knuckles:: I will continue giving my unsolicited advice!

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Recently,  someone broke it off with me in the hospital, first she didn’t believed me because I didn’t reply to her text messages fast enough; probably because I was in the hospital.  She then proceeded to accuse me of Munchhausen syndrome until I showed her pictures and video chatted with her in the hospital. Finally, she called it off because   “it was too much drama”.  This is also someone who couldn’t miss an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, so the humor is not lost on me.

Now my first instinct was to put on my cape and cowl and demand justice but after a tumultuous nights sleep, I knew I needed to move on.

Remember the important people in your life, the people who have been there for you from through the hard times. Trust me, I know you’re mad, I know it hurts and I know it’s not fair. The best revenge is living the better life.

Imagine living in a world, where you are too afraid to love someone, just because you are afraid someone is going to die. In truth, I feel sorry for her, we’re all going to go at some point, but I don’t think wanting to live should be considered “Drama”

Remember to laugh,  do something new or old; go on a spontaneous adventure. For me, I love baking, seriously it’s a problem. I own so much flour my neighbors probably think I’m the reincarnation of Pablo Escobar. There’s something so cathartic about baking cookies and pies to me; it’s about control for me, the measurements have to be exactly right in order to have a great product.

Cry; ain’t nothing wrong with shedding a tear. As a man I’ve been taught to hold my tears back because it’s not considered “manly”. Whatever, I don’t ascribe to that toxic masculinity bullshit. Let it out man, it’s a part of the process and an important one at that.

Give yourself a reasonable time to talk about it. I would suggest a therapist if you don’t have one. Having said that, I know how expensive that can be. If that’s the case, I would suggest choosing a close friend to talk to about this.

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Never rely on a single person to give you a reason to live.  I don’t care how pretty they are, we all look silly putting our pants on one leg at a time. I know it’s easier said than done, but take this time away from your partner to realize what a catch you are. Also,  autonomy is important, while relationships are good, they also can mutate into co-dependency problems; so take advice from the former king of Pride Rock:

“Remember who you Are!” -Mufasa… R.I.P

After looking in a pool of your own glorious reflection for days or months, begin dating again. Love does exist, we just have a bigger hill to go up before we find it. The good thing, though, is that through this process, you will find the real people who will want to be in your life. People will always reveal their true selves to you during hard times; that’s our gift, that’s our curse but just like anything in life, it’s all in how you look at it.

Life is just a state of mind.

 

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Cancer Wars:The Phantom Miracle

The question of chemotherapy is one I don’t take lightly, now mix that with radiation and you have a nice little death cocktail. Seriously, I’ve taken more radiation to the face than Bruch Banner, when do I get to turn green?

Now my major problem with Chemotherapy ( besides it being a full reboot of your immune system) is that the permanent damage can be worse than the chemotherapy itself. I have met several people that have lost cognitive functions;  decreased clarity of thought, forgetfulness and unfortunately depression. I met a woman who felt so devoid of creativity that she took her own life. In group she mentioned several times that the one regret she had was going through chemotherapy. 

In addition to Some chemotherapy medications, such as those that belong to the antracycline class of drugs, can cause permanent damage to the muscle cells in the heart. We haven’t even discussed nerve damage or other chemo agents that can cause more damage to the lungs than Vader choking the life out of you.

I would highly suggest looking for alternative medication; Traditional Chinese Medicine which focuses more on herbal medicines and various mind and body practices, such as acupuncture and tai’ chi, to treat or prevent health problems. Now keep in mind there has been no proof that alternative medicine works, but in my honest opinion I believe you should exhaust all options before jumping in bed with chemo.

For me personally, I was using Milk thistle, Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar (This is a god send) and recording everything I ate; I used Oregano, Garlic, Cayenne, Turmeric which are considered to be the four most cancer-fighting spices. I also bought the Cancer fighting kitchen cookbook; the recipes are insane, seriously, if you complete even one dish you should be presented with a gold medal. Having said that, the book is a gem.

There are several web sites dedicated to educating people as well as some that also offer recipes you can use in your day to day life. My favorite would have to be http://www.chrisbeatcancer.com

What ever you choose just make sure it’s something that YOU want.

 

Chemosabe: The Web Series episode 1

Hey All! A lot has been happening in the wonderful world of cancer! My mother who was diagnosed with cancer is finally doing better, I’m looking into different treatment options.

The last woman I dated decided that a relationship would not be in the cards, because my protein levels were too high. So don’t worry ladies ( All 2 of you who read this thing) I’m still single. Beware though, my cancer is a jealous sob who doesn’t like it when I go out with other gals.

What else… Oh that’s right! My web series is finally done! Right now, we’re slowly working out a couple kinks, but I’m proud to present to you all the very first episode of Chemosabe!

Thank you all for your love and patience! Also if anyone is looking for a great blog to read check out the the Cancer Chronicles http://boldbaldbattle.com it’s a great blog with with deep insights with thought provoking content! Definitely check out ” Dear Former Self” Without further ado

Chemosabe: The Web Series

 

Chemosabe: The web series official trailer

Happy Friday the 13th! Today I present to you the International trailer for Chemosabe: The Webseries So many talented people worked on this project. Chemosabe is a series for anyone who has experienced loss, no matter what that loss may be; the loss of a loved one, the loss of identity, and the loss of imagination. Thank you all for your never-ending love and support. Chemosabe drops Thursday November 19. See you all soon!

A Letter to all the women who have rejected me. Thank you.

To the women who have rejected me; thank you. I didn’t know it yet, but because of you I have become a better person. Without your help I wouldn’t have analyzed what I really wanted in a partner and I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to continually fall in love with myself.

When I was diagnosed with cancer I thought I was going to die alone, that the longest relationship I would ever have would be with my cancer ( Thank God it hasn’t asked for a ring yet, six years and going strong), but there was one person I was forgetting about… me! The longest relationship I will ever have is with myself… (How could I have missed this?) Don’t get me wrong rejection never stops hurting, but thats not a bad thing; it gives you the opportunity to grow as a person, to look within yourself and question what you thought you knew about yourself.

One thing I learned was that the women who genuinely wanted to be in my life made it clear; by giving me time to heal as well as reaching out to me. Another thing; You can’t blame someone for not being attracted to you and they shouldn’t blame you for not wanting to be friends with them afterwards; it’s no ones fault, but it’s a sad reality you both may have to come to terms with.

This one is for you, thanks again to all the women who have rejected me. No matter how small your contribution may have been you all have shaped my life; definitely for the better. I would have never discovered my own strength without you guys. I haven’t found the ” one” yet, but when I accidentally, englishly stumble upon who ever she is I know I will have you guys to thank.

-Keith

For my cancerversary next Sunday I’m giving out FREE cookies in Harlem!

Like the title says, For my cancerversary on Sunday I will be giving out free cookies in Harlem!
So this whole thing came about because I was unable to celebrate my cancerversary earlier this year.  I was thinking of a past love who died many years ago because of her own diagnosis and I remember how much she loved my cookies.
I thought, this is the kind of love I want to spread on my cancerversary, as corny as it sounds, how could I make people’s day a little “sweeter”. So if you’re around 135th street at St. Nich. park stop on by! Also in addition if you want to help out, please feel free to email me!
Well I better get back to work on this web series!

When your Significant others parent doesn’t approve of them dating someone with cancer

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Last Month, I sadly had to part ways with my girlfriend, because her mother didn’t approve of her daughter dating someone with cancer.  The interesting thing about this break up is that her mother has breast cancer.

Folks, I have dealt with a lot of situations and odd prejudices from cancerphobes, but I was definitely waylaid by this. Granted, her mothers fear is based on her own personal experience and a very stark reality. The question I pose is, where is the line when seeking your parents approval? For instance, the girl I was dating had to constantly lie to her mother about meeting me. Folks, I just turned 30, as Danny Glover once said, “ I’m way too old for this shit” especially to play Romeo and Juliet: The Game.

*If you can, talk it out; work on a plan that will strengthen your friendship. I am a big fan of doing the work to level up.

There’s also the question of how much trying are you supposed to do before calling it? For instance, her mother refused to meet me, we tried several times to make this happen, but she refused every time. Even when her mother accused me of playing the waiting game I stuck with it. (She was planning on Applying to Medschool after she graduated) her mother figured I was waiting “in the wings” for her to be a doctor so I could take advantage of her skills. She really was something else.

*** There’s just no debating crazy, you can try for days, but like a bad horror movie, there’s always a sequel. In all fairness, I suggest meeting the mother face to face or try calling her on the home phone if you can. Unfortunately my ex didn’t want me to do any of those things, but the important thing is that you try.

Letting go is the hardest thing to do. The weird thing is that I can completely understand where the mother is coming from. She personally had to take care of her husband as he slowly succumbed to his disease and she doesn’t want the same for her daughter. Who’s to say that this will or will not happen; I’m pretty sure her being second generation and living at home didn’t help either.All in all, it really doesn’t matter; at the end of the day, we both deserve to be happy. The old me would have been devastated, but I truly believe there’s someone out there who can look past the cancer and see the real me. I spent almost five years allowing myself to be affected by how others view my cancer and me; I shall not make the same mistakes again.

Thanks for reading!!

Chemosabe: The Legendary Journeys!

Greetings old friends! So Sorry I have been absent from you all. I have been working like a crazy man to finish my new web series,Chemosabe, which is based on my misadventures of being a cancer patient. The Story is about a man who is no longer in remission who is forced to start treatment with the help of his sister and his best friend who happens to be Death.

cals promo pic It’s interesting, If I was never diagnosed with cancer, I don’t know if I would have followed my dreams. I wouldn’t have met and fallen in love with Cindy and I certainly would not have created ” Chemo: A Love Story”

After a successful Kickstarter run, I can’t wait to share this with the rest of the world. Cancer has taken so much away from me, I feel it’s my responsibility to share my experiences with the world.

This series will have everything, from what it’s like to live with cancer, to a Zombie and Twilight Zone themed episode. I will keep you updated on all things Chemosabe!

Tales from the Diagnosed

Greetings Kids, today, 3 years ago to be exact, was the day I was told I wouldn’t make it to christmas. I was on revlimid, tired, depressed and definitely suicidal. It would be a lie to say that since then life has been perfect. Life really is precious and  for all the hardships I have endure, it has only made victories mean so much more.

Today I don’t bring you my story, but I am working on a project where I have interviewed over 150 people. People who have lost children, friends, family members and yes, on occasion, themselves. I bring you: Tales from the Diagnosed. Here is one of my favorite interviews. Hope you enjoy!

 

FRANK
Feb 2001 I was headed to Hawaii and decided to get a
tanning session to avoid burning on my trip. Got out of
the tanning bed and noticed my left nut was hanging
lower. Felt it and it was maybe 10-20% larger but felt
hard at the bottom ya know, less squishy. So like any
self respecting hypocondriac, I Googled testicular
cancer and Called the doc on Monday. Appt
Wednesday. Had it removed Monday. Two weeks of
radiation. Six weeks later, I suddenly lost ALL hair on
my torso in the shape of CA to include key lymph nodes.
Three months later it grew back just as quickly. Tired
for a year. I have 9 permanent tattoo dots for
radiation alignment. Scary at the time with young kids.
There was one funny part. Had to lie face up on a table
feet together and knees apart for 90 minutes while a
pretty young Asian technician X-rayed me and drew on me
to tattoo my dots and create my X-Ray lens. At the end
she had to scrub off all the markings with soap and
warm water. One is on my pubic bone. I was furiously
thinking about baseball to divert my attention. Atleast
she tried to make small talk though, she eventually
blurts out “has anyone ever told you that you look like
Toby Maguire?” (This was shortly after Spider-Man 2
came out, and yes I did). To this day I don’t know if
she was just nervous or legitimately trying to flirt.
My ball and I will never know…