relationships

How to handle being Rejected after being diagnosed.

As we’ve spoken about in the past, there are no easy or right answers to any of the posts I make.  My fingers are still crossed that someday, someone will create a book titled              ” Handbook for the recently diagnosed” but until that day comes, ::cracks knuckles:: I will continue giving my unsolicited advice!

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Recently,  someone broke it off with me in the hospital, first she didn’t believed me because I didn’t reply to her text messages fast enough; probably because I was in the hospital.  She then proceeded to accuse me of Munchhausen syndrome until I showed her pictures and video chatted with her in the hospital. Finally, she called it off because   “it was too much drama”.  This is also someone who couldn’t miss an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, so the humor is not lost on me.

Now my first instinct was to put on my cape and cowl and demand justice but after a tumultuous nights sleep, I knew I needed to move on.

Remember the important people in your life, the people who have been there for you from through the hard times. Trust me, I know you’re mad, I know it hurts and I know it’s not fair. The best revenge is living the better life.

Imagine living in a world, where you are too afraid to love someone, just because you are afraid someone is going to die. In truth, I feel sorry for her, we’re all going to go at some point, but I don’t think wanting to live should be considered “Drama”

Remember to laugh,  do something new or old; go on a spontaneous adventure. For me, I love baking, seriously it’s a problem. I own so much flour my neighbors probably think I’m the reincarnation of Pablo Escobar. There’s something so cathartic about baking cookies and pies to me; it’s about control for me, the measurements have to be exactly right in order to have a great product.

Cry; ain’t nothing wrong with shedding a tear. As a man I’ve been taught to hold my tears back because it’s not considered “manly”. Whatever, I don’t ascribe to that toxic masculinity bullshit. Let it out man, it’s a part of the process and an important one at that.

Give yourself a reasonable time to talk about it. I would suggest a therapist if you don’t have one. Having said that, I know how expensive that can be. If that’s the case, I would suggest choosing a close friend to talk to about this.

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Never rely on a single person to give you a reason to live.  I don’t care how pretty they are, we all look silly putting our pants on one leg at a time. I know it’s easier said than done, but take this time away from your partner to realize what a catch you are. Also,  autonomy is important, while relationships are good, they also can mutate into co-dependency problems; so take advice from the former king of Pride Rock:

“Remember who you Are!” -Mufasa… R.I.P

After looking in a pool of your own glorious reflection for days or months, begin dating again. Love does exist, we just have a bigger hill to go up before we find it. The good thing, though, is that through this process, you will find the real people who will want to be in your life. People will always reveal their true selves to you during hard times; that’s our gift, that’s our curse but just like anything in life, it’s all in how you look at it.

Life is just a state of mind.

 

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A Letter to all the women who have rejected me. Thank you.

To the women who have rejected me; thank you. I didn’t know it yet, but because of you I have become a better person. Without your help I wouldn’t have analyzed what I really wanted in a partner and I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to continually fall in love with myself.

When I was diagnosed with cancer I thought I was going to die alone, that the longest relationship I would ever have would be with my cancer ( Thank God it hasn’t asked for a ring yet, six years and going strong), but there was one person I was forgetting about… me! The longest relationship I will ever have is with myself… (How could I have missed this?) Don’t get me wrong rejection never stops hurting, but thats not a bad thing; it gives you the opportunity to grow as a person, to look within yourself and question what you thought you knew about yourself.

One thing I learned was that the women who genuinely wanted to be in my life made it clear; by giving me time to heal as well as reaching out to me. Another thing; You can’t blame someone for not being attracted to you and they shouldn’t blame you for not wanting to be friends with them afterwards; it’s no ones fault, but it’s a sad reality you both may have to come to terms with.

This one is for you, thanks again to all the women who have rejected me. No matter how small your contribution may have been you all have shaped my life; definitely for the better. I would have never discovered my own strength without you guys. I haven’t found the ” one” yet, but when I accidentally, englishly stumble upon who ever she is I know I will have you guys to thank.

-Keith