Month: February 2014

Conversations with My cancer ridden Body.

Keith: I doubt you’re getting many love letters this Valentine’s Day. Don’t get excited — this isn’t one, either. But since you’ve been what some would classify as a relationship, I just want to say-

Cancer: Keith, you don’t have to say anything you sweet, sweet man!

Keith: Now hold on there, peanut butter Jelly time! … I just want to say that as much as I can’t stand you most days, you brought a certain change in me good and bad that can’t be ignored. 

Cancer:::waves hands towards face, trying not to cry:: Oh Keith!

Keith: You’re not going to get all Halle Berry on me at the oscars are you?

Cancer: Shut up!

Keith: I just wanted to say that because of you I have slowly been able to accept myself for who I really am… short comings and all and yes… that even means you.

Cancer: :: sings:: If you wanna be my bestie, you have to get with my marrow, make it last forever frien-

Keith: cancer Pay attention as much as I want to hear you sing a cover from the spice girls! I don’t have time for this. Sure… So far my longest relationship is a tie between you and my oncologist, but today isn’t about you… 

Cancer: It isn’t?

Keith: I’m going to spend this day thinking of all my beautiful friends who have helped me make it this far, and also, ALSO by taking myself out and celebrating in the delights of new relationships.

Cancer: but, but what about me?

Keith: Oh relax cancer…. will always have chemo.

Advertisements

Conversations with my cancer ridden body.

 

Keith: dating is hard, this is ridiculous, the Ratio of Single Men to Single Women in NYC is 53% female and 47% male

Cancer: wait, you counted?

Keith: This is a well-known statistic!

Cancer: Okay, okay, calm down. I feel your pain, I’ve been trying to talk to this white blood cell across the way, but her family just isn’t having it. ::sigh::  

Keith: I see you have taken on some of my unfortunate traits of asking out the wrong people, well not people, but you know what I mean

Cancer: yeah. I do my friend, I do. I wanna go over there and talk to her, but it just won’t work. We come from two different cells

Keith: well technically you both come from bone—

Cancer: Two plasma cells, both alike in dignity

keith: what are you doing…..

Cancer: In Keith’s fair capillaries where we lay our scene, 

Keith: actually white blood cells travel through cap-

Cancer: From ancient marrow break to new mutiny, 

Keith: you’re just going to keep goi-

Cancer: Where dirty cells makes dirty ventricles unclean,

keith: aaand good bye context.

Cancer: From forth the marrows loins of these two cells 

keith: oh I can’t wait to hear the next part.

Cancer: A pair of star-cross’d cytes take their life.

Keith: Oh I get it!  I get it! (fast) because plasma cells are called plasmocytes and white blood cells are called leukocytes. That’s actually pretty

Cancer: -Clever! Yeah I know I made it up.

Keith: you mean, you adapted.

Cancer: No… I  made up, as in

Keith: Cancer!

Cancer: Maybe I didn’t, Maybe I did. We don’t have proof if Shakespeare-

Keith: Cancer… you’re not implying that

Cancer: what, that shakespeare had cancer!

Keith: wait, what!? I wasn’t expecting the conversation to-

Cancer: – I’m just saying that cancer has been around for a loooong time my friend.

Keith: So now you’re saying Shakespeare’s cancer wrote the prologue to Romeo and Juliet? Oh my god, my cancer is a conspiracy theorist

Cancer:  shhhh. (whispers) Think about it.

Love after cancer is as improbable as Sex after marriage.

Man… after all these years i still don’t know the appropriate time to tell someone I fancy, that I have cancer… Being a cancer survivor is a blessing, but finding your love life after cancer, is proving to be as impossible as catchingCarmen Sandiago. Le sigh

Any one else with the same problem?