humor

Cancer Wars:The Phantom Miracle

The question of chemotherapy is one I don’t take lightly, now mix that with radiation and you have a nice little death cocktail. Seriously, I’ve taken more radiation to the face than Bruch Banner, when do I get to turn green?

Now my major problem with Chemotherapy ( besides it being a full reboot of your immune system) is that the permanent damage can be worse than the chemotherapy itself. I have met several people that have lost cognitive functions;  decreased clarity of thought, forgetfulness and unfortunately depression. I met a woman who felt so devoid of creativity that she took her own life. In group she mentioned several times that the one regret she had was going through chemotherapy. 

In addition to Some chemotherapy medications, such as those that belong to the antracycline class of drugs, can cause permanent damage to the muscle cells in the heart. We haven’t even discussed nerve damage or other chemo agents that can cause more damage to the lungs than Vader choking the life out of you.

I would highly suggest looking for alternative medication; Traditional Chinese Medicine which focuses more on herbal medicines and various mind and body practices, such as acupuncture and tai’ chi, to treat or prevent health problems. Now keep in mind there has been no proof that alternative medicine works, but in my honest opinion I believe you should exhaust all options before jumping in bed with chemo.

For me personally, I was using Milk thistle, Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar (This is a god send) and recording everything I ate; I used Oregano, Garlic, Cayenne, Turmeric which are considered to be the four most cancer-fighting spices. I also bought the Cancer fighting kitchen cookbook; the recipes are insane, seriously, if you complete even one dish you should be presented with a gold medal. Having said that, the book is a gem.

There are several web sites dedicated to educating people as well as some that also offer recipes you can use in your day to day life. My favorite would have to be http://www.chrisbeatcancer.com

What ever you choose just make sure it’s something that YOU want.

 

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For my cancerversary next Sunday I’m giving out FREE cookies in Harlem!

Like the title says, For my cancerversary on Sunday I will be giving out free cookies in Harlem!
So this whole thing came about because I was unable to celebrate my cancerversary earlier this year.  I was thinking of a past love who died many years ago because of her own diagnosis and I remember how much she loved my cookies.
I thought, this is the kind of love I want to spread on my cancerversary, as corny as it sounds, how could I make people’s day a little “sweeter”. So if you’re around 135th street at St. Nich. park stop on by! Also in addition if you want to help out, please feel free to email me!
Well I better get back to work on this web series!

When your Significant others parent doesn’t approve of them dating someone with cancer

lucy-psychiatrist.new

Last Month, I sadly had to part ways with my girlfriend, because her mother didn’t approve of her daughter dating someone with cancer.  The interesting thing about this break up is that her mother has breast cancer.

Folks, I have dealt with a lot of situations and odd prejudices from cancerphobes, but I was definitely waylaid by this. Granted, her mothers fear is based on her own personal experience and a very stark reality. The question I pose is, where is the line when seeking your parents approval? For instance, the girl I was dating had to constantly lie to her mother about meeting me. Folks, I just turned 30, as Danny Glover once said, “ I’m way too old for this shit” especially to play Romeo and Juliet: The Game.

*If you can, talk it out; work on a plan that will strengthen your friendship. I am a big fan of doing the work to level up.

There’s also the question of how much trying are you supposed to do before calling it? For instance, her mother refused to meet me, we tried several times to make this happen, but she refused every time. Even when her mother accused me of playing the waiting game I stuck with it. (She was planning on Applying to Medschool after she graduated) her mother figured I was waiting “in the wings” for her to be a doctor so I could take advantage of her skills. She really was something else.

*** There’s just no debating crazy, you can try for days, but like a bad horror movie, there’s always a sequel. In all fairness, I suggest meeting the mother face to face or try calling her on the home phone if you can. Unfortunately my ex didn’t want me to do any of those things, but the important thing is that you try.

Letting go is the hardest thing to do. The weird thing is that I can completely understand where the mother is coming from. She personally had to take care of her husband as he slowly succumbed to his disease and she doesn’t want the same for her daughter. Who’s to say that this will or will not happen; I’m pretty sure her being second generation and living at home didn’t help either.All in all, it really doesn’t matter; at the end of the day, we both deserve to be happy. The old me would have been devastated, but I truly believe there’s someone out there who can look past the cancer and see the real me. I spent almost five years allowing myself to be affected by how others view my cancer and me; I shall not make the same mistakes again.

Thanks for reading!!

Chemosabe: The Legendary Journeys!

Greetings old friends! So Sorry I have been absent from you all. I have been working like a crazy man to finish my new web series,Chemosabe, which is based on my misadventures of being a cancer patient. The Story is about a man who is no longer in remission who is forced to start treatment with the help of his sister and his best friend who happens to be Death.

cals promo pic It’s interesting, If I was never diagnosed with cancer, I don’t know if I would have followed my dreams. I wouldn’t have met and fallen in love with Cindy and I certainly would not have created ” Chemo: A Love Story”

After a successful Kickstarter run, I can’t wait to share this with the rest of the world. Cancer has taken so much away from me, I feel it’s my responsibility to share my experiences with the world.

This series will have everything, from what it’s like to live with cancer, to a Zombie and Twilight Zone themed episode. I will keep you updated on all things Chemosabe!

Conversations with cancer: Twilight Zone or Friend Zone?

As I’ve always mentioned on my blog, dating in general is pretty difficult, but add cancer into the mix and it’s damn near impossible. Today I decided to ask my cancer what his thoughts are on the matter.

Tales From the Diagnosed: Breast Becomes Her.

While interviewing over 150 cancer patients for a new stage show I’m developing. Leanne’s’ worry free attitude was very refreshing, silly and cathartic.

Leanne:

Saturday night I was hanging out at a friend’s house
enjoying a barbecue with a small group of friends. We
were enjoying lemon margaritas and getting silly. We
were taking a picture and one gal jokingly put her hand
on my boob. Because, you know, it’s not a real boob.

The next thing you know, I whipped out one of my
prostheses and all the gals were poking and squishing
it with interest. The two guys in the room, however,
suddenly became very uncomfortable. This was really
funny to me because it doesn’t even look like a real
boob.

(At that moment during the interview she reaches under her shirt and
grabs the prosthesis and begins to play with it.)

making_things_difficult

 

It’s a tan, rounded pyramid shape with an absorbent pad on the side that touches your skin.

If it was lying on a table and you had no prior knowledge of breast forms

you probably would have no idea what it was. And yet

the guys were embarrassed and uncomfortable. Now I was
always a modest person about my body, I never talked
about boobs this much before. But then cancer engulfed
my life and now the words “breast” and “boob” are part
of my daily conversation.”Breast cancer isn’t like
getting lung cancer or skin cancer or liver cancer. You
can talk about your liver and no one gets embarrassed
or uncomfortable. Mentioning your lungs over dinner is
never crass or inappropriate. But breast cancer? It’s a
private, very feminine, and sexual part of your
body. It’s kind of weird. And kind of funny.
Especially when men get embarrassed about it. I could
talk about a liver transplant and no one would care.
But I talk about breast reconstruction and it’s
suddenly embarrassing conversation. Women don’t seem to
care because they all have boobs.

(Well okay, most of

them do – currently I am one of the few that don’t.)

Boobs aren’t a big deal to women. You mention boobs in
mixed company, though, and the men don’t know what to
do. Is it okay to talk about it? Do I laugh? Do I act
interested? Do I act aloof? What’s appropriate? If I
look at her chest am I a pig even though they’re fake
inserts? Is it okay to notice? What do I do?!! Last
summer I went a good month after my mastectomy without
a prosthesis. My chest was too tender so I waited until
I was fully healed. Right after I got it, though, Bill
and I went out with another couple to the movies. The
guy was a longtime friend and even he wasn’t quite sure
how to handle it.”Suz, ummm, I don’t quite know how to
say this… you look nice??”Poor guy. So a note to the
men out there: I can’t speak for all breast cancer
survivors, but as far as I’m concerned you can relax.
You aren’t going to say or do anything to offend me.
When I got breast cancer any hang ups I had about
talking about boobs went out the window. They had to.
Which actually isn’t such bad thing. I think our
society has given far too much power and intrigue to
breasts. Yes they are beautiful and desirable, but they
are also a normal part of the human body. Let’s lighten
up about boobs, shall we? Instead, let’s laugh about
them and have some fun.

Conversations with my cancer ridden body: Shakespeare had cancer!?

Today we hit 50% of our fundraising goal! Thank you so much for all the love, support and donations!  Words can’t describe how honored and thankful I feel….  Even though most of you don’t know who I am , several of you donated anyway. All I can simply say is Thank you, thank you for believing in a world where we can use laugher as a way to heal, communicate and educate.  That means the world to me!!! As a special bonus we are releasing one of the many conversations with my cancer ridden body videos. Come watch me argue with the physical manifestation of Cancer.

Also Don’t forget to DONATE Now! 50% is great, but it only counts if we hit 100%. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ashes/chemosabe-the-web-series

Tales from the diagnosed: A Ball to remember.

Hey guys, as most of you know I interviewed over 150 cancer patient to help a new stage show I am doing here in New York. I wanted to share some of the interviews with you, because I feel it’s important to hear everyones story; from mothers, to fathers to friends to even the suicide hotline.

Frank

Feb 2001 I was headed to Hawaii and decided to get a tanning session to avoid burning on my trip. Got out of the tanning bed and noticed my left nut was hanging lower. Felt it and it was maybe 10-20% larger but felt hard at the bottom ya know, less squishy. So like any self respecting hypochondriac, I Googled testicular cancer and Called the doc on Monday, appt Wednesday. Had it removed Monday. Two weeks of radiation. Six weeks later, I suddenly lost ALL hair on my torso in the shape of CA to include key lymph nodes. Three months later it grew back just as quickly. Tired for a year. I have 9 permanent tattoo dots for radiation alignment. Scary at the time with young kids. There was one funny part. Had to lie face up on a table feet together and knees apart for 90 minutes while a pretty young Asian technician X-rayed me and drew on me to tattoo my dots and create my X-Ray lens. At the end she had to scrub off all the markings with soap and warm water. One is on my pubic bone. I was furiously thinking about baseball to divert my attention. Atleast she tried to make small talk though, she eventually blurts out “has anyone ever told you that you look like Toby Maguire?” (This was shortly after Spider-Man 2 came out, and yes I did). To this day I don’t know if she was just nervous or legitimately trying to flirt. My ball and I will never know…

Also guys. In addition to the Cancer Chronicles I’m developing for the stage. Please check out my Kickstarter for my new web series “Chemosabe” 

Check out our new prologue as well!

 

 

Chemosabe: Danse Macabre

dance of death

Don’t wait! DONATE!”
This could be you Dancing the Danse Macabre! Trust me, Bergman would approve!
Chemosabe needs to raise $500 TODAY on our  Kickstarter so we can stay on track to reach our total goal of $2500*
Click on the link, pick an awesome perk, and donate to help us get there!