Tales from the Diagnosed-Losing a child

Hey guys, as most of you know I interviewed over 150 cancer patient to help a new stage show I am doing here in New York. I wanted to share some of the interviews with you, because I feel it’s important to hear everyones story; from mothers, to fathers to friends to even the suicide hotline. This is a story about a mother coming to terms with losing her son.During the interview she was cleaning his room.
Carol
Life Is Never the Same. I Will Never Be the Same. Those
are only two of the many things I’ve learned since I
lost my son to Rhabdomyosarcoma.

*She starts folding his clothes and putting them into
garbage bags to donate to the goodwill*

CAROL
Another thing I learned is that God DOES give us more
than we can handle sometimes. If God didn’t give people
more than they could handle we wouldn’t see people end
up in rubber rooms with drool puddles beneath them. We
wouldn’t see people drink themselves to death just
trying to numb the pain. We wouldn’t see parents give
up on life, on themselves and all those that love them
but don’t understand their grief. So, sometimes…God
does give us more than we can handle.

* She goes back to folding again*

I just had to get that off my chest, because if I had a
nickel (okay maybe a dollar with the economy the way it
is today) for every time I’ve had that said to me since
my son died..I wouldn’t be struggling to put gas in my
car and pay my rent every month. I have other children
to live for. And I do thank God for that. If it were
not for my twins who are 5 years old, I honestly can’t
say that I would be able to find a reason to get out of
bed in the morning, much less decorate a Christmas tree
or ice birthday cakes.

*After folding the clothes, she takes the banner
that spelled his name above his bed down, along
with clearing out the rest of the room *

CAROL
My son was diagnosed with this horrible disease a month
after his 8th birthday. He had an inner ear infection
which wasn’t responding to antibiotics. We went to have
tubes placed in his ears to drain the fluid and that’s
when the mass was found in his right ear. It was
biopsied and I guess I knew even before I knew..a
mother’s intuition..that it wasn’t going to be good.
Nothing could have prepared me though for just how bad
it was.Have you ever even heard of Rhabdomyosarcoma? Me
either. I just remember thinking when I was writing it
down on a piece of paper, that it was the ugliest word
I had ever heard.

She picks up the broom and begins the sweep the
empty room.

CAROL
He was admitted the very same day to A.I. Dupont
Hospital and Chemo began almost immediately. I remember
his doctor telling me that although this was a very
aggressive disease, it had already metastasized to his
lungs and that there was no need to make plans for
Disney Land.

*Stops sweeping to get the dustpan*

CAROL
He was wrong. If I had known then, what I know
now..about the disease..I’m not so sure I would have
put my son through all the anguish the last six months
of his life turned out to be..especially the radiation.
I think I would have just spent the time I had left
with him doing all the things he so looked forward to
doing. Things we’d lay in bed and fantasize
about…..But, hindsight’s 20/20 or something like
that. You know…This is the first time I’ve been able
to talk about my son;the first year I couldn’t even
speak his name out loud. I can do that now. Baby
steps,it’s all baby steps,but right now..it’s time to
go play with my other children..lots of hugs and kisses..there are never enough of those. Another thing I learned.

Thanks for reading guys, if you’re New York in 2015 make sure to look out for the Cancer Chronicles.

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