Conversations with my cancer ridden body.


Keith: dating is hard, this is ridiculous, the Ratio of Single Men to Single Women in NYC is 53% female and 47% male

Cancer: wait, you counted?

Keith: This is a well-known statistic!

Cancer: Okay, okay, calm down. I feel your pain, I’ve been trying to talk to this white blood cell across the way, but her family just isn’t having it. ::sigh::  

Keith: I see you have taken on some of my unfortunate traits of asking out the wrong people, well not people, but you know what I mean

Cancer: yeah. I do my friend, I do. I wanna go over there and talk to her, but it just won’t work. We come from two different cells

Keith: well technically you both come from bone—

Cancer: Two plasma cells, both alike in dignity

keith: what are you doing…..

Cancer: In Keith’s fair capillaries where we lay our scene, 

Keith: actually white blood cells travel through cap-

Cancer: From ancient marrow break to new mutiny, 

Keith: you’re just going to keep goi-

Cancer: Where dirty cells makes dirty ventricles unclean,

keith: aaand good bye context.

Cancer: From forth the marrows loins of these two cells 

keith: oh I can’t wait to hear the next part.

Cancer: A pair of star-cross’d cytes take their life.

Keith: Oh I get it!  I get it! (fast) because plasma cells are called plasmocytes and white blood cells are called leukocytes. That’s actually pretty

Cancer: -Clever! Yeah I know I made it up.

Keith: you mean, you adapted.

Cancer: No… I  made up, as in

Keith: Cancer!

Cancer: Maybe I didn’t, Maybe I did. We don’t have proof if Shakespeare-

Keith: Cancer… you’re not implying that

Cancer: what, that shakespeare had cancer!

Keith: wait, what!? I wasn’t expecting the conversation to-

Cancer: – I’m just saying that cancer has been around for a loooong time my friend.

Keith: So now you’re saying Shakespeare’s cancer wrote the prologue to Romeo and Juliet? Oh my god, my cancer is a conspiracy theorist

Cancer:  shhhh. (whispers) Think about it.


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